Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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