im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
