I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize