i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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