We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
