sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
