Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
