I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
