Yo dont text me then not text me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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