lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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