I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
