i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
