you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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