Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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