how can u be prego again
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
