when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
