I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
