addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
