what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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