I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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