if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
