Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
someone owes me an orgasm
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
