just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
