So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
