btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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