New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
