they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
