it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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