Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
