Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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