So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
