There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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