i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize