did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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