I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
is wine microwaveable?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
