you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
