I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
