Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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