my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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