someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
