I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
