I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
