Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
