he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
In other news, I just burned my penis
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
