Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize
