I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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