just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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