You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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