it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
