WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
