how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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