What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
