never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
