what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize