just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
