We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sorry about my life...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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