We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
