Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
