i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
