But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
