Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
