i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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