I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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