Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
