Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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