i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
PANTIES FOUND
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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