i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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