My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
