Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize