you turned your livingroom into a bong?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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